A week ago, I might have told you that my heart broke because my favorite World Cup team lost… I almost cried. Now I would do anything to watch my team lose – and bring down my sense of disappointment to that level again.
What I feel now, as a citizen, and what everyone feels is disappointment, anger, anxiety, frustration. We’re scared and locked up at home. War came in a day. War in one day. All the books I’ve read about war, the daily news on Afghanistan and Iraq, how we were saying ‘how terrible the situation was in Gaza’—and now I’m living it.
From the rooftops of fancy hotels to the four walls of my living room.
From bustling Beirut to a retreat far away in the mountains.
From the thumping music of Paul Van Dyke to the pounding of bombs every night.
From the post-sahra mankoushe at 5 am to post-bomb insomnia at 6 am.
From the flickering of Crystal lights to the flickering of my three candles when the electricity cuts
From wining and dining in fancy restaurants to whining and panicking in front of the tv
From crying at the prospect of leaving my country to go work abroad to crying at the prospect of not having any country to return to
From plotting my goodbye party to plotting how I will be able to reach my target work destination
Everything that worried me in times of peace just seems inconsequential now. Believe me, reading about war is so unbelievably different from living it. Your mindset is stuck on survive and making sure those you care about are safe.
My beautiful country. A country that has been sabotaged by its location. How many times can we be burnt and resurrected? How many times can you be heartbroken, yet love again?
posted by lebanese.lady at 2:10 AM